Palermo, Sicilia. Saturday May 5.

Palermo, Sicilia. Saturday May 5. 

Medusa’s Head

Dear Trail Friends

It is almost midnight and I am torn between wanting to recall and share this day - especially Chrissy’s lecture focusing mostly on Athena in anticipation of the metopes Selinunte temples, which we will see tomorrow in the Palermo museum  - and wanting to sleep. 

During Chris’s lecture I tried to take some photos that might help to evoke for you the dance aspect of her lectures and the way that aspect engages the sensual and emotional imagination and not only intellect. So photos 1 and 2 are collages of those photos. I was struck with the realization that the lecture-dance was very different tonight, when she spoke of Athena the protector of cities and, as she put it, “sublimation,” from when she spoke about Aphrodite, goddess of beauty and pleasure and love. It made me wish I had videos of all the lectures. I’d love to watch them without sound and try to guess which god or goddess, which myth or story, they focused on. 

What stay with me most from the lecture today are two stories that resonate with my lifelong quarrel with Athena. The first is the story of how, in the third tragedy of the Oresteia by Aeschylus, Athena sides with Orestes, who has murdered his mother, Clytemnestra (in revenge for her murder of his father, Agamemnon, which could be construed as Clytemnestra’s revenge for Agamnon’s murder - or his compliance with the gods’ demand that he sacrifice her for the sake of the Trojan war - of their daughter). Athena’s stance can be interpreted in various ways - for example, as wanting to interrupt the cycle of revenge and blood justice on the one hand, and as identification with patriarchy and legal social contracts (like marriage and the military) over the primal bond between mother and child. I can still remember how furious I was with Athena when I read that tragedy in my late teens, just before the dawn of the women’s liberation movement of the late 1960s. It was all mixed up with my anger at how my mother had been treated by the courts after my parents divorce, how she had been humiliated and robbed of her children (from my point of view) while my father had been favored. So Athena showing up in a courtroom and seeming to side with a father and justify or excuse mother murder (and child murder) affected me deeply. Perhaps I was not ready to acknowledge my own ambivalence and just how much of me sided with, and identified with, my father. As I think about this lecture I think about how in marrying Chris I sided with my father (Chris is a lot like my father and they got along beautifully, Chris on the other hand from my point of view never was able to see the aspects of my mother that were most beautiful and lovable. And my marriage with Chris inevitably created more distance from my mother and closeness with my father. )

All this is to say I probably can’t tell you very much about the lecture because of how much it stirred up in me. As I write I realize how much Chris has been an Athena connection for me, a bridge back to civilization and sublimation which I had in some sense turned my back on for the years following my dropping out of MIT and becoming a lesbian. How much was that long poem Arachne’s Tapestry, that recounting of male god sins and tirade against Athena for failing to protect women, an unconscious working through of my rage against (patriarchal) civilization and Chris’s ability to thrive within it (and hence her complicity with civilization’s sins - not to mention my own complicity for latching onto her, and making my way back into the civilized patriarchal fold as her partner)?

The other story I remember is the story of Medusa. A beautiful woman raped by a god in a temple dedicated to the virgin goddess, Athena. So Athena, outraged, punishes the mortal female victim (this is not exactly how Chris presented it, her view was more nuanced) instead of the divine male perpetrator. Athena turns Medusa into a monster with snakes for hair and a face which turns men to stone if they look at her. Chris perhaps mentioned (and tour member Raquel for sure did) that this could be interpreted as gift, or protection, but I wouldn’t hear of it. 

Am I still angry at Athena after all these years of marriage to Chris, and of my own return to valuing civilization and sublimation? (Both of which of course also associate to Professor Sigmund Freud, whose birthday we celebrate tomorrow, as Chris mentioned in her lecture - Freud who also visited here in Palermo with Sándor Ferenczi.)

Athena goes on to help Perseus, when he is assigned the “impossible task” of killing Medusa and bringing back her head. Athena provides him with a shield that he can use like a mirror, so that he need not look directly at Medusa when he beheads her.  

At dinner tonight we were talking about Medusa. I couldn’t see (and still can’t!) how Athena could be seen as protecting Medusa rather than punishing her (with the “gifts” of Medusa’s unasked for power of turning men to stone and her lovely coiffure of coiled snakes) if Athena then proceeded to help Perseus to kill Medusa. Nor could I see Athena’s subsequent wearing Medusa’s head on her shield as a way of honoring Medusa - anymore than I could see soldiers’ collecting scalps as a way of honoring their enemies. Quite the opposite. 

Okay. I can imagine Professor Freud (whose birthday has begun, it being now a few minutes after midnight) reminding me of complexity and ambivalence - how probably most honoring also dishonors, and vice versa (just as fears and wishes are indistinguishable in the unconscious). 

I am surprised at my strong contrarian response to the Athena lecture, and curious how I may respond to the visit to the museum tomorrow, particularly if I notice art and artifacts that touch on this story. Who is Medusa to me that I respond so strongly to her story? 

Meanwhile, I do want to give you a glimpse of the beautiful temple at Segesta which we visited today. I felt sad at how much more of a tourist destination it is than 10 years ago and how for me it feels more objectified and less available to soul encounter. I guess just the sadness of living in a crowded world. Of course, other  people have as much right to be there as I do, but how changed the experience is. I did however successfully separate from the group - and walk the trails between sites - giving me both freedom of movement and moments of solitude to make my encounter with the place deeper and more authentic. 

Photo 3 is a collage of photos of the amphitheater above the temple. We were the only people present when we walked up to the amphitheater ten years ago. It is so different now, not just our group but lots of other individuals and groups. 

 But still the same gasp of wonder as one crests the hill and first gazes down on the amphitheater and the view of the sea beyond it. The lower photos are views of our group listening to our local guide, seen from different perspectives. 

Photo 4 shows a collage of the temple itself - you can see why Chris likes to think this might have been a temple to Aphrodite. It is so beautiful and so beautifully preserved. The upper right, and lower right and left photos are views of the temple - through grasses and wildflowers - from above, while walking down from the amphitheater. 

Okay. It is late. I’m not ready but I need to move on. We are staying at a beautiful old hotel in Palermo and we have a spectacular room with a deck with a table and chairs. Photo 5 is a collage of views from our deck. 

Chris and I both, when each of us stepped out and looked around, gasped, and said “wow” out loud. 

But I forgot to tell you that at lunch I had my first gelato of the trip. And it was really really good (photo 6). 

I also wanted to share my drawing from yesterday. Although the drawing itself does not move me, I am moved by how the process of looking at my photo and choosing one to inspire a drawing helps me to reflect on what I see and it’s beauty and the nature of what moves me. I felt closer to the original scene (from Selinunte) and even decided to use it (and of course the gelato photo) as my new Facebook picture. Though it’s a wee bit embarrassing to suggest that is an important decision - but it is a presentation of self to a larger world, like deciding what dress to wear to a special party. Photo 7 is a collage of the original photo and the drawing it inspired. 

So, that’s all Friends. Tomorrow we visit the museum. Thank you for your caring presence and providing me with this spacious expanse of shared imagination to reflect on our journey. 

Tomorrow, maybe, we will understand a little more about Medusa, with her hair of snakes and her face that could turn men to stone, and her head that Athena wore on her shield like a trophy or talisman, and what Medusa might mean to me - and  to each of us.